I'm not going to lie, I was looking forward to Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. The production team behind it, in combination with the history of the IP (not to mention the absolutely bonkers trailer) made it seem like Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) level intensity was the best case scenario. Worst case scenario, we were looking at a Jupiter Ascending (2015) a la, a movie with enough sheer lunacy to justify a watch despite being seriously flawed.

So it's to my surprise and partially to my chagrin that Valerian is neither of these things - not really. It is a painfully sincere movie that is positively aglow with its own ingenuity, like a toddler is with his own finger painting. And believe it or not, that kind of innocent hubris does save Valerian from quite of few scrapes and contrivances here and there. Yet when the day is done, there's no denying director Luc Besson's newest sci-fi space adventure is simultaneously too sloppy and too well made to enjoy.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is based on a series of French science fiction comics which chronicle the adventures of Valerian (DeHaan) a roguish space cop and his damsel-esque partner Laureline (Delevingne). After their latest mission inadvertently puts them in possession of the film's magical sci-fi maguffin, they make their way to the fabled space city of Alpha. Once they get there however, all hell breaks loose and our heroes find themselves scrabbling to rescue their superior, Commander Filitt (Owen) from an unknown group of aliens.

The highs of this movie are near euphoric with some of the most creative and convincing examples of world-building seen this side of blockbuster cinema. The technology, the habitats the creature design et al. are all so refreshingly fun with the city of Alpha being the clear standout of all the marvelous filigree. Alpha at times feels like an ever shifting character in the film, assimilating worthwhile ideas from Star Trek (1966-1969), "John Carter of Mars," "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" and all points in between. What's more, the worlds that are created here, you feel like you can come right out and touch them. They practically beg to be explored and thanks in part to the script, you get a decent if breezy tour of Alpha via Valerian and Laureline's fast-paced adventure.

Yet the lows in this movie are almost embarrassingly low, with every bad decision sticking out like Chris Tucker in cheetah print. The problems start almost immediately. Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne for all their efforts are sorely miscast as our heroes; trying desperately to pull off a Han/Leia vibe with the chemistry of flat soda. Much of it can't be helped of course; partially due to their age they look less like grizzled space cops whom by their own admission "have seen it all," and more like children playing dress up. You can also just tell what little direction they were given was limited to them hitting their mark and reading their lines, never mind emoting or interacting with the space in any meaningful way.

There's also the issue of the plot, which on its own merits is fine and even a little illuminating on paper. Yet due to the way the story unfolds, we're given everything we need to piece together the themes very early on. Its clear Luc Besson (who also wrote the screenplay) doesn't want to bog the movie down too much with Avatar (2009) -level messaging. Gadgetry can be argued to be its own reward. But because the movie is in such a rush to whisk us to the next show-stopping set-piece, it all but ignores its problematic elements. Elements that include but are not limited to: a simple "noble savage" vs. militaristic boogeyman narrative, human (alien) trafficking being treated as a fumbled plot device, an alien race modeled after feudal Japanese stereotypes that actually eats people...

Yet despite big, big, BIG problems, Valerian still manages to eek out enough good ideas worthy of a tacit recommendation. The bustling city of Alpha, reminiscent of Venice during the Renaissance or Baghdad at the height of the Abbasids is certainly worth a look. Of course if the imagination inherent in a far-future sci-fi smorgasbord isn't enough to entice you, and you're more concerned with say story, plot etc. then I say read the graphic novels instead.

In France, Jerrry Lewis is a genius. In the USA, he was a lovable clown who managed to make some funny movies, but he was no genius. The cultural gap there is enormous. So when French science fiction is translated to a movie that will be shown to American audiences, something bad might happen.

In this case, it happened. It happened big time.

The protagonist represents a particular kind of "hero" that's big in France but virtually impossible in the USA-- the Goofy Hero. He's not an "idiot" but he's enough of a bungler to make it obvious that he wins because he's too goofy to be afraid and too lucky to fail when it counts. French audiences find this to be endlessly amusing. Inspector Clouseau was a British send-up of this French meme. Of course, all this just went over the heads of Americans and they rightfully ask "who cares?"

Well, if you want to know what went wrong in this movie, you need to care-- and to understand that the lead male actor needed to understand the "Goofy Hero" and PLAY THAT ROLE. It was obvious that he not only didn't understand it, he had never heard of it. Apparently Luc Besson was so very, very French that he didn't understand that this is a huge problem. He just shot the movie and assumed everyone would "get it"-- because, who doesn't enjoy a goofy hero?

Anybody who isn't French. That's who.

Two scrawny kids are presented as two of the best in the military / secret service. A General and a Sergeant, who look more like they would be good at helping you use an app on your phone. Valerian wants to marry Laureline for no apparent reason, and maintains a somewhat bored routine of presumptuous courting throughout

Unfortunately I could not get past this huge miss-casting. It removes any potential tension throughout because as the viewer you feel more capable of whatever task needs to be done by the protagonists

The script is also throwaway, full of obvious plot developments and overused dialogue

What brings the rating up to a 5 is that the visuals are both very creative and abundant. There are enough fantastical monsters, weapons, architecture, worlds, space ships etc to fill a trilogy

If only Luc Besson had got a script writer and cast as good as he did for Fifth Element, he'd have another cult classic.