>>> Warning: Sarcasm Imminent <<<

How can you go wrong with dialog like this: "Your Puritan upbringing holds you back from my monsters, but it certainly doesn't hurt your art of kissing".

The year was 1965 and one of Hollywood's most regal figures had something really HOT cooking in the kitchen, truly one for the ages, I'm talking about Ed Wood: The King of the Shlockmeister's (and renowned cross-dressing pervert) and his monstrously epic magnum-opus ORGY OF THE DEAD! A most lavish of B-productions, set in the nighted realm of a haunted cemetery and brilliantly filmed in "Gorgeous Astravision and Shocking Sexicolor" ORGY OF THE DEAD is grand in it's ability to allure and transfix - never before has one been witness to such a spectacle of thee exotic! And when you hit the play-button, a marvelously mad mix of graveyard sensuality and horrors of the night await you and all it's tantalizingly sweet tortures will tickle every fiber of your being. As your screen becomes radiantly aglow, in a divine aura of necromantical omnipotence as it BESIEGES YOUR SOUL..... and yet the orgy to end all orgies is just warming up! Ripe with lush extravagance, eye-candy is everywhere, as the ORGY OF THE DEAD casts it's sexy spell upon it's viewers young and old alike, with it's seductive charm and it's singularly spellbinding palette of sultry hue's and lush, super-sensual musical cue's. This godly, grand guignol of graveyard-goofiness possess a certain "frenzied rhythmic fury" which often reaches never-before seen or imagined levels red hot, hyper-kinetic depictions of.......... dancing naked in the moonlight, in a cemetery, to a small gaggle of Adam's Family side-characters and generic, cliché-ridden, rejects from various well-worn monster movies of the past. In other words, PURE CHEESE as only Ed Wood can do it! That being said Eddie-boy was not the big cheese/director of ORGY OF THE DEAD, but he was definitely central to it's creation.

Speaking of Ed Wood, with ORGY OF THE DEAD he got yet another chance to strut his many talents, functioning as: writer, production manager, casting agent and a holder-of-cue-card's and no doubt was a glowing inspiration to have on the set and proved to be a highly inspired and versatile individual, know doubt a character of many interesting facets. Directorial duties for this infamously eccentric production, was helmed by the universally well-known, visionary, director A.C. Stephen, a legendary talent known for his uncompromising artistic genius, comic sensibilities and overall command of the set. You'll find ORGY OF THE DEAD to be both throbbing in pace and masterful in it's play of light (and all shades in between), thus, off-setting, to brilliant effect, the lustful carnal fire that is ORGY OF THE DEAD! Over-seeing all that goes on in his nighted realm, is CRISWELL: the movies narrator, it's master-of-ceremonies and god of primal darkness and ultimately he's one VERY strange duck; who wears a cape and has extremely awesome looking "butter-sculpture hair". The nights entertainment features a bevy of tantalizing hellborn beauties, who emerge one after another from the fog-shrouded crypts of the night. The girls dance until dawn for their masters own selfish pleasure, who as one observes, seems alternatively bored or ecstatic about the sashaying in the cemetery. Criswell's a real hoot - and a riot. The cemetery is perpetually shrouded in fog, it's ever-present, swirling, night mists ebb and flow, enrapturing you in it 's velvety allure..... as it constantly caresses your soul - sinister, but stately. It's that type of dark, lurid imagery that perfectly counter-balance's the films sheer eroticism, with all it's garish lighting, glowing flesh-tones and masses of sweet flesh - writhing and undulating.

The story (if you wanna call it that) is wrapped around a young couple (Bob and Shirely), who are driving around lost at night, they swerve and go off the road, thrown clear of their car, they awaken completely uninjured (Bob sports one frivolous smudge of blue body-paint on his forehead, undoubtedly meant to be a bruise). The couple starts to walk away from their wrecked car and soon they hear some strangely enchanting sounds in the near distance, shortly thereafter they spot the enchanted graveyard and it's curiously wacky inhabitants and all it's nude hi-jinx and they waste no time in going into full-on voyeur mode. Eventually they're spotted and abducted by the masters minions, in other words, two guys in cheesy, not-so-scary costumes. Brought before the master (that being Criswell of course) their bound to a pair of stone pillars, where they pretend not enjoy the rest of the show. Criswell takes quite a liking to the busty red-headed Shirely and curiously enough, Criswell's voluptuous, pale skinned, mistress of the night (sort of an Elvira precursor) is even more taken by good old Shirely (played by the gorgeous Pat Berrington/Berringer) who want's her for herself; so much so that she attempts to kill Shirely with a dagger, so she can join them in their world of the undead. But as luck would have it, the morning sun rises conveniently just in time and vanquishes the evil spirits of the night - Criswell and his minions are reduced to skeletons and ash.

Pat Barrington/Barringer plays a dual-role, being both Shirely and she's also one of the dancers, the 3rd of a series of ten dancers (and probably the best), titled as the "Gold Girl" and for her dance scene she's wearing a platinum blonde wig and a sequin-studded G-string. A terrific scene by the way. She was a professional belly-dancer of some regard and it certainly shows. Note* Youtube has some great, vintage, topless dancing footage of hers.

Side-Note: A Shirely of another kind - By sheer coincidence, whilst writing this review I was imbibing on a "Dirty Shirley" a feather-weight concoction of cherry schnapps and 7-UP.

This great vintage T & A fest is absolutely perfect for an "adult themed" Halloween party ;)

First let me say that Ed Wood did not direct this "film;" he is only responsible for the script(lets not blame him more than need be for this piece of ineptitude of epic proportions). This film makes Plan Nine From Outer Space look like a minor cinematic classic. At least Plan Nine is a film that one with an open mind can sit through and be reasonably entertained, but this....this....was almost unwatchable! It is a story about two people driving one night in search of a cemetery(only the background to these scenes are shot in daylight). They of course find a cemetery...and not just your ordinary run-of-the-mill types either. No! They come across the cemetery that has a Ghoul leader observing dead topless women dance for his pleasure. And that really is all the film is about...10 topless strippers perform for Criswell(the ghoul leader) and his assistant the Black Ghoul. There is no real story, no plot twists except for the appearance of a wolfman and mummy so horribly made-up and acting so painfully as to make one wince every time they speak. Dancer after dancer performs and we get to see plenty of breasts....breasts of all sizes, shapes, angles...which is all that one can applaud in this piece of dreck. This film is nothing more than an exhibition for talentless strippers to perform with bad music and scenarios. Criswell speaks as if he thinks out every single word and says each word as if it were Moses laying down the Ten Commandments. No one in the film has any acting range whatsoever and the settings are cheap...covered up by plenty of dry ice floating about. I wish there was something good I could say about this film, but the honest truth is that, even though I consider myself a aficionado of bad films, I had a great deal of trouble sitting through this awful, boring mess.

This is a film written by Ed Wood and it's clearly worse than any prior film in his amazingly bad repertoire. Compared to ORGY OF THE DEAD, his more famous films (GLEN OR GLENDA and PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE) are like Shakespeare!! It's bad....so bad that I think the current rating of 2.3 is ridiculously overrated. Heck, anything above 1.0 would be overrated for this terrible film.

The film is mostly a combination of strippers doing their acts along with inane narration by Criswell. Unlike PLAN 9, Criswell is THE dominant actor--not just an annoying narrator at the beginning and end. Seeing the very androgynous psychic sit there and feign interest in the procession of mostly naked dancers is a sight to behold!

ORGY OF THE DEAD begins with a couple driving to a cemetery. These two idiots might just be among the worst actors who ever lived, as they can barely read their lines. Too often, the dialog is misread and the director (Stephen C. Apostolof) didn't even bother to re-shoot their scenes! Then, when they have an accident near the grave site (filmed in perhaps the most unconvincing manner ever), they fall into a magical land where Criswell is the pimp-daddy--having assorted sexy ladies dance naked for him. They apparently must satisfy his love of dance or be damned for all eternity. While most of the strippers were more attractive than I'd have expected in such a low budget film (I was expecting large scars, needle marks and tattoos), after a very short time the nudity became absolutely boring--so boring I found myself speeding through these very long and horribly choreographed dance numbers. In fact, so many strippers performed that about 90% of the film consisted of naked dancing....very, very boring naked dancing. And during all this, the two prisoners just watch the burlesque show--along with Criswell, his Vampira-like assistant, a were-wolf and a mummy standing around and trying not to look too out of place. By the end of the film, it's obvious that Criswell is so bored that he orders his second in command to rape he lady prisoner. However, instead of some hot lesbian action, the sun rises and all the undead are turned to skeletons. Yeah, whatever.

So how is it worse than PLAN 9? Well, there really is no attempt at a plot. The plot of PLAN 9 is dumb, but at least there IS a plot!! It's just nude bored dancing girls wearing silly outfits in ORGY (but not for long) and g-strings. Oddly, many of the ladies seemed to be wearing the same silver g-string (I sure hope they weren't sharing). Any film that manages to make all that nudity totally boring is amazing! On top of that, the acting is worse than any Wood film and will bore you to tears. Not one of the performers showed any talent at delivering their lines--at least PLAN 9 had Lyle Talbot!! While Ed Wood never was a master at writing dialog, these idiots managed to make it a lot worse by their inability to read. Criswell was his usual effeminate self--accentuating the wrong syllables and talking as if he just took a sleeping pill. As for the wolf-man and mummy, their costumes looked like they came from a discount costume shop and they delivered their lines like they had been stage hands just moments before. The Vampira-like lady looked pretty hot with her bluish skin, but that was about all you can say about her. The two prisoners, as I mentioned above, were morons and could barely say their lines. As for the set, it was ALL filmed in a small fake graveyard...period. No location shots and the only non-graveyard shot was one shot in a car that was not moving. It was SUPPOSED to be but I guess you just had to pretend it was.

Overall, probably the worst movie I have ever seen. Dull from start to finish and even ample boobies couldn't perk up this dull mess.