A few weeks ago, Scientific American asked, "Are 'Cocaine Sharks' Really Scarfing Down Drugs off Florida's Coasts?" Sadly, that article is more about Discovery Channel's Shark Week, but there's some interesting information, including this quote:

"...the idea may not be as wacky as it sounds-especially in the waters off Florida. There sharks in a diverse assemblage swim along a major drug-smuggling throughway, which potentially exposes the toothy predators to floating bundles of narcotics. "This is the only place in the world where a shark could come into contact with such massive doses of cocaine," says Tom Hird, a marine biologist and broadcaster based in England."

Some literally insane scientists even did tests on sharks by having them eat cocaine - did they never see a single shark movie? Do they know that LL Cool J rapped "My hat is like a shark fin" after living through Deep Blue Sea? - along with this wild story:

"In 2016 scientists in Switzerland examined the effects of cocaine on zebra fish, a type of striped minnow commonly used in scientific experiments. The researchers were surprised to find that most of the cocaine accumulated in the fish's eyes instead of their brain. Some zebra fish eyes contained concentrations of cocaine that were 1,000 times higher than levels that would be lethal to humans. The Swiss scientists were also surprised to find that instead of revving up the zebra fish, the cocaine suppressed their movements. "You'd think that a shark on cocaine is going to be swimming around all over the place at 1,000 miles an hour," Hird says. "But that is us taking our human brains and putting it into the shark's head.""

But let's forget about science.

Let's watch Cocaine Shark.

Originally released as Kanizame Shakurabu (Crab Shark) in Japan, this was retitled with the success of Cocaine Bear. It's the story of a drug dealer named Gaurisco (Ken Van Sant) and his new creation, HT25, which is made from sharks. To paraphrase Mr. Show, "It's great. It's shark crack. It gets you really high."

Directed by Mike Polonia and written by the mysterious Bando Glutz, this has effects by Brett Piper and Anthony Polonia that encompass an entire ocean's worth of mutated creatures. Opposing them and the drug dealer is Nick (Titus Himmelberger), a hard-boiled detective who runs afoul of femme fatale Persephone (Natalie Himmelberger) as well as the hallucinations people have on HT25 which allow them to kill as a shark crab hybrid.

I really enjoyed reading other reviews of this movie. Nearly everyone hated it because it doesn't have many sharks, there's not really cocaine, it's made with stock footage and it's only an hour long. Obviously, any of these people would tell you how much they love exploitation movies yet when they are the ones exploited, they realize that sometimes a great poster, an awesome title, a tie-in to some popular pop culture buzz and a little filmmaking magic was enough to con you into watching a movie. Being mad about this movie is like being angry at Jerry Warren or Jerry Gross or someone not named Jerry that got you to watch movies that you never thought you'd watch like Sam Sherman.

I love that movies like this exist and I'll never get tired of them.

I watched this movie as part of a binge of movies related to animals on cocaine. I was sorely disappointed that this movie was not about sharks that were high on cocaine and terrorizing people. The sound track was not terrible, much better than some others, but not as good as Sharkula's soundtrack.

That said, entertaining to watch and laugh at. The cheesy graphics and acting was enough to keep me entertained for the duration of the movie. This is right alongside the other movies from some of the same actors and producers. Definitely worth a watch through with a big bowl of popcorn and your close sarcastic friends.

After waking up in the hospital, an undercover agent recounts his experience trying to crack a new drug ring in the area attempting to make synthetic drugs that put him in danger not just with the ruthless boss of the criminal gang but the series of mutated sea creatures his experiments have created.

This was a rather fun if slightly flawed genre outing. One of the better elements of this one involves the film's use of mutations and not just a singular rampaging beast. The explanation here involving the extract from the drug causing mutations to occur involving the mutated shark/human hybrid, the bat-like creature, and the hammerhead/shrimp combination that show up here is quite inventive and manages to provide the kind of wide-ranging setup for the cheesy effects here showing the creatures operating in their environment. When it finally gets to the creature action at the end, it's fun but way too brief to be anything else than that with the focus turning to some cheesy shootouts and gore effects that provide the positives with the film. There are some issues to be had here. One of the main drawbacks here is the film's odd pacing to focus far more of the running time on the shady shenanigans of the drug operation rather than the shark action. The first half here is far more of a crime drama involving the undercover work of going through the motions detailing the rise of the new kingpin and how he took over the streets while his undercover work gets him in good standing within the organization. Beyond a brief appearance here or there involving some mention of the mutations being employed by the doctor, that's all the horror that takes place here which means that a lot more of the running time than should be necessary is kept away from the creature action into a separate genre entirely that doesn't have much interest involved. As well, there's also the expected factor in this kind of film where there's no denying how silly and outright shoddy the effects are. The effects of the stop-motion creatures are all obvious and look exactly like that while the CGI carries some bargain-basement style work here of the immobile creature in its environment changing shape or dimensions whenever the scene calls for it. Coupled with the guerilla-style indie production style here that makes everything look cheaper than it should or making use of locations taken without permission, the constant technical issues, and nonsensical storylines, these should be taken into consideration here since they're expected and not truly detrimental.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, and drug use.